


not this time

by copenhagenborn



Series: i know one day i'll get mine [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, harry goes solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 21:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5886103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copenhagenborn/pseuds/copenhagenborn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall almost gives it, lets it all go because this is what he's been waiting to hear. For such a long time he's been hovering around Harry, trying to make him love him back while Harry was busy with models and semi celebrities he hasn't been seen with yet.</p>
<p>He might love Harry with all of his heart, but between when they decided to break up and now Niall has learnt something new, he might just love himself a bit more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not this time

Niall doesn't scoff when he gets the notice. Well he tries not to.

It's just, it's so bloody like Harry that he almost can't believe it.

It's a notice - the one Niall knew would come, the one Harry had denied would ever exist - about their current standings as a four piece band and whether they should continue to be so. It's not what it says though, but Niall can read between the lines, even when the bloody email isn't even sent from Harry's personal account but a fucking representative of his.

 He shows up though, there was no way in hell he would miss this meeting.

Liam's there when he steps into the room, a hoodie covering his shaved head and headphones connected to his phone. He looks up when Niall steps into the room, a smile on his lips as he hurries to tug the blond into his arms.

"Hello mate, it's been a while hasn't it?" Liam laughs, arms tight around him.

"It's been good though, yeah? A bit of free time I think." Niall smiles as Liam lets him go, sits down in the chair right next to him like they always did; always space available with how close they sat, not a sliver of air between them.

"Don't know about you but I don't think I could make it 18 months. I enjoy the off time, but music is what I love and you know with Sophia gone, I haven't- I just need something to do again, you know?"

It breaks Niall's heart a bit, to see the hope in Liam's eyes the way he's talking about them coming back, how he's been waiting for exactly this moment. And Niall doesn't want to be the one to tell him what Harry's meeting is going to be about, that it's not a reunion he wants but a more firm breakup; a promise that _he's_ not coming back for a while.

Louis comes to his rescue, steps inside the room still yelling at the poor receptionist who's trying to take the small child out of the baby carrier on his stomach. "Bugger off, will you love? It's me bloody child isn't it? I think I can decide if he's sitting in on meetings with me yeah?"

He doesn't give her time to reply as he has already shut the door behind him, leaning down to coo at Freddie with soft spoken words of how stupid Americans can be.

"You know it's not our staff right? You can't just treat people like that - especially not when you're not the one paying them." Niall chirps, drawing the oldest's attention away from the small boy.

"Don't take me child from me and I won't _Niall_."

But the malicious tone is lacking from his voice, no edge like there used to be when Louis didn't feel like talking to anyone anymore.

Instead there's a soft smile as Freddie wraps his entire palm around his father's finger. He sits down on the other side of Liam, pulls the child from the carrier and cuddles him in his arms. "Remember uncle Niall, Freddie? He's the one who gave you all those presents? The weird one yeah. And that's uncle Payno, you know him, he's the one who's been living in the other nursery. Yes, because he's a baby just like you, isn't he Freddie?" Louis coos.

"Oh shut it will you," Liam says with a roll of his eyes. He takes the child out of Louis' arm with ease and curls him to his chest. "Don't listen to daddy, he's a tosser. Your god father on the other hand."

Niall sometimes wonders whether he should be jealous of Liam and Louis' relationship, how easy Liam fits in with Louis' family and friends, how when Louis pushes and pulls, Liam is right there giving way for whatever he wants.

There was a time when he and Harry was like that, could say anything without the other thinking twice of what it could mean. Back when he knew what Harry was thinking about just by the curve of his mouth, or the nights they had stayed up talking about everything, their love for music and the places they wanted to see, the places they already had seen together.

 

Liam hands over the baby to him at some point, when he gets too twitchy to sit still and feels like he's falling out about the conversation the two of them are having.

Freddie helps, numbs the anxious feeling about the inevitable meeting with Harry, seeing him for the first time since he flew all the way from Australia just to be turned down at the door. He has Louis' eyes, Niall reckons, the ice blue filled with mischief and danger Briana is going to dread when he grows up.

He doesn't do much though, just stay in his arms, blowing a bubble of spit or two while he coos, trying to catch Niall's nose. But it's enough.

At least it is until a man comes through the door and sits down at the other end of the table.

"I can see all three of you decided to come and a plus one at that, lovely. I'm Karl Jensen, a representative of mister Styles' and I'm here to inform you of-"

"We're missing someone mate, it's bad form to start with the entire company present." Louis cuts him off, elbows on the table and feet thrown onto the chair next to him - every bit of bad posture he had been buggered about back when they were young, back when they still needed someone to take them serious to make it big.

"No no, mister Tomlinson, I think the number is quite right." Mister Jensen corrects with a tight smile, eyes flickering to his slouched posture with a raised brow.

"Are you blind?" Liam laughs, looking from one friend to another in disbelief. "Harry isn't here. This is his meeting, you can't just have his meeting without him present. That's like, having a birthday without the birthday boy blowing out the candles - it doesn't make sense."

But it makes perfect sense, because Harry never planned on seeing any of them - wouldn't be able to do it if he had to look them in the eyes and tell them that he was leaving.  The thought of finally losing all four of his brothers was too much for him to face head on, so he had picked the easy way out, the cowardly way. To have a bloody representative do his dirty work, despite the five years they had been together.

 

Niall stands up. He crosses the room quickly, doesn't pay mind to Jensen's protests as he walks out of the room and straight to the information desk.

"Jeff is he in today? Jeff Azoff the owner of his building, do you happen to know where he might be?" Niall asks, he doesn't register that his voice is bordering on yelling or that the girl cowers back in fear.

"I'm- sure, the uh. One floor above us, the office at the end, you can't miss it - but he's in a meeting with a client." The girl replies, fingers shaking as she types something on the keyboard.

"Oh, I'm counting on that."

It only when he is in the lift that he registers that Freddie is still in his arms, that Louis was too stunned to yell something after him, and that the small child who's already been through way too much for a child his age, has now heard him yell at some innocent girl for doing nothing but her job.

But then the lift plings and there's no way he's turning back now.

Jeff's office is bright, walls of windows and luscious plants in every corner just as aesthetically pleasing as the flat Harry once had. The one he kept getting remodelled until he suddenly moved to LA and didn't look back.

"Nia- mister Horan what are you doing here?" Jeff says as he steps through the door. He pushes a folder of something into the drawer, quick movements to make sure Niall doesn't sees it. But the lettering is big, and Harry Styles is a very recognisable name.

He's not there though.

He's not sitting in the chair in front of Jeff like Niall had thought, no sheer blouse or striped trousers, hats too big for his head or curls longer than his ribcage. It's just the two of them staring each other down - three if Freddie's odd cooing counts.

And he almost regrets barging in like some savage when the door to the office opens. "Do you think they'll be finis-Oh, I hadn't seen you there."

His voice is so soft, so light and airy that Niall's knees almost weaken.

But he did this, planned for all of them to come in and get told off by someone they never met while he was in the building himself.

"Is that- Freddie, are you. Why do you have Louis' child? Is he here too?" Harry asks as he turns around, revealing the baby to the brunet. There's a smile on his lips now, a soft tugging at the end of his mouth as a dimple pops in his cheek. Like he hasn't seen the child before.

And he hasn't, Niall realises.

He didn't text Louis like he had told him to, kept thinking that Louis was the one who had to reach out when he was the one who wanted something from him.

"I'll leave the two of you alone."

"That's a plan if I ever seen one mate." A new voice adds as Louis steps through the door, Liam in tow. "Best give me my baby if you want to see him again, yeah Niall? Not the best way to win favourite uncle by kidnapping him."

Niall snorts, handing the bay over with utmost care as Louis tucks Freddie into his neck, a firm hand supporting him as he rocks him to sleep. "I'm sorry Lou, I just -"

"It's fine Niall, I'm not mad. He just haven't slept yet and I don't need any big adventures before nap time." He leaves the room then, doesn't acknowledge the questioning look in Harry's eyes, not even when he reaches out to try and touch the baby. "I'll be downstairs when you're done, we should get lunch or somewhat."

Liam looks like he's conflicting whether he should stay or leave with Louis.

He goes, closes the door behind him and runs to catch up before the lift closes between him and the two. Leaving Niall alone with Harry.

 

"Did you know Liam thought this was the meeting where we decided to get back together?"

Harry frowns, but doesn't answer. He looks away from the blond and goes to stand by the window instead.

"He's been writing music you know, messing around with some people developing his own sound; but he doesn't want to take that one step that makes it official, that One Direction is no longer a thing still to be revived."

Niall's voice is harsh but it has to be. Harry may feel entitled to hurt him in every possible way, but Liam is different. Liam has always been there whenever someone has had a tough time, always been the one to stay an hour extra if his parts were off or if someone needed help. He was even the one to reach out and check up on Zayn when the rest of them felt too betrayed to cared about what went down between him and Perrie, if he was going to be okay.

So Liam didn't deserve to be dragged through this mud Harry had created - nor did Louis, but Louis wasn't the best selling point when it came to Harry's conscience, haven't been for a while.

"It's not a definite no, Niall. I just, I need to do it. I need to know whether this is what I'm supposed to do." Harry begs. His eyes are wet when he turns to face Niall, mouth drawn down in a pout.

"And what if it is? Do you want us to stick around for a definite maybe? You know what people are going to say, what they'll read into this -especially with you being the first one to make a move."

Niall barks back. His never used this harsh of a tone on someone, none the less Harry who he's been in love with for so long. But he just doesn't seem to get it, doesn't understand the betrayal he feels, what they all feel.

"Since when have we cared what people say about us? _We_ know the truth, isn't that enough? I'm not giving up on One Direction, I never will. But I can't stick around just because you're mad what people are going to say about you - you can't ask me to do that."

He's across the room now, standing just before him with a hand hovering towards Niall's shoulder, but he steps back, doesn't let him touch him. Not now, not like this.

"You _still_ don't get it do you? It's not the fact that you decided to quit on us, yeah that hurt for a while, but we knew it was coming - knew that all of your 'don't worry lads, we'll be doing this when we're in our forties,' was just shit to fill out time. No what hurt the most was you deciding to not even tell us yourself. You sent a fucking representative, Harry! You didn't even show us the courtesy of explaining yourself to the ones who have been there for you every step of the way.

"I can live with you being off doing your own thing, I want you to be happy Haz, and if making music on your own does that to you - then fucking go ahead, mate. But I am still your friend, no matter how bad you want to treat me, I still have the right of being told face to face that you no longer want to do this - the same goes for Louis and Liam - but if you can't see that, I'm not sure who you are anymore."  

There are hot tears stuck in his eyes now, threatening to spill over when he meets Harry's eyes. But he doesn't allow them to, forces them back until his throat hurts too much.

"I-" Harry's searching for his words, fingers shaking as he keeps intertwining them before pulling them apart, looking for something to say. "I got your card, back in February." He says instead, voice suddenly soft.

Niall scoffs, harshly. "That's what you want to talk about? Your birthday? How I travelled fourteen hours just to take the plane back home because you couldn't overcome your own pride?"

"No, I-." He pauses, looks from his fingers to Niall's eyes. "I love you too. That's still a thing isn't it? You haven't stopped loving me just because I'm a jerk, have you? I might not have been able to say it before, but I will now Niall, I do love you. I want to be with you, have been for a long time."

He steps forward again, hands moving slowly to encase Niall's cheek in his hands.

Niall almost gives it, lets it all go because this is what he's been waiting to hear. For such a long time he's been hovering around Harry, trying to make him love him back while Harry was busy with models and semi celebrities he hasn't been seen with yet.

He might love Harry with all of his heart, but between when they decided to break up and now Niall has learnt something new, he might just love himself a bit more.

"Then why didn't you say so Haz? You've had so long to tell me, you could have come after me on your birthday, or just picked up your damn phone and called me. A text, a fucking tweet, I would have taken anything Harry. But you can't do this now, you can't turn me coming to you into something for yourself. I deserve better than that, _we_ deserve better."

He stumbles back, head shaking as he distances himself from Harry. Tears finally running freely down his cheeks.

"I do think you love me Harry, but I don't think you're ready to give me a piece of your heart. And I need that, I can't just give you all of mine without any security, not this time."

He opens the door and steps out. Goes to the lift and meets Louis and Liam at the door with a shake of his head.

Harry doesn't come after him.


End file.
